


Why Sirius Hates iPhones

by metabaron



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, Everybody Lives, Ficlet, Gen, Humor, Silly, iPhones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 20:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2322908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metabaron/pseuds/metabaron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It really sucks to hear your embarrassing childhood nickname every time you go for coffee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Sirius Hates iPhones

Sirius was still staring at the woman who had been in the queue behind them when the barista handed Severus their drinks. She had short hair, wore a very smart suit, and was holding a newer model mobile phone to her ear. An utterly unremarkable Muggle, but even the most mundane things could set Sirius off. There were times when it was obvious, but there was nothing about this woman that made Severus think of Sirius's parents or Azkaban. Maybe something about her reminded him of his time behind the Veil.

Severus pressed Sirius's coffee into his hands and led him out of the cafe. That seemed to snap him out of it somewhat, and he blinked owlishly as they stepped out into the sun. 

They walked for a few minutes before Severus spoke. It never did any good to let these things fester, but it sometimes helped to give Sirius a bit of time to get his thoughts in order. Severus took a long sip of his coffee—strong, black, and plain just as he liked it—and watched Sirius start on his own ridiculous drink. His eyes were still far away as he licked the mound of whipped cream to a more manageable level. 

Severus frowned. Normally Sirius would scoop the whipped cream off his over-sugared drink and suck it slowly off his fingers, hollowing his cheeks obscenely as he made revolting noises, much to Severus's embarrassment.

"What's the matter?"

Sirius looked up from his drink; there was a spot of cream still on his upper lip. "Huh?"

"That woman. You were staring at her."

"What wo— oh, right, yeah. It's the— I hate those things."

"Her phone?"

"Yeah."

"I have a mobile phone, and it doesn't bother you."

"Sev, that thing is a million years old. It flips open, for Merlin's sake. It's barely a step up from a tin can on a string. It's those new ones, they— Urgh." He gave a full-body shudder at that, and some of his coffee sloshed out of his cup and splashed onto the pavement.

"What about them?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm surprised my brother never told you."

Severus shook his head mutely. He wasn't going to ask what Regulus, who'd been dead for nearly a quarter century, had to do with Sirius's hatred of mobile phones, but it helped to let Sirius come at things from an angle.

They stopped at an intersection. "Okay." He pointed a finger at Severus. "You can't tell anyone."

"My lips are sealed." He drew a finger across his mouth and mimed turning a key. "Shall I have to take a Vow?"

"Don't be stupid." The lights changed, and they crossed the street. "When I was a very tiny thing, when I was small, my mother had a terrible nickname for me."

"Aha. She called you Siri."

"Exactly. Everywhere I go these days I hear Muggles going 'Siri, do this', and 'Siri, do that', and 'help me, Siri, I can't function in modern society'."

"And you hear your mother."

Sirius nodded. "One of my clearest, earliest memories is hearing my mother shrieking at me about using the toilet. 'Siri, have you done potty yet?' 'Siri, did you wet yourself again?' And every time someone talks to their fucking mobile, that's all I hear." He made an exasperated noise.

Severus clamped a hand over his mouth, but he couldn't restrain an undignified snort of laughter. His shoulders shook as Sirius glared down at him.

"It's not fucking funny! It was goddamn traumatic! Stop laughing!"

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice muffled as he tried to hide his smile behind his hand.

"Oh, no, you're not." Sirius shook his head with a rueful look. "It doesn't matter. I'd just gotten used to not thinking about Mother, and now every time I go outside, I can't help but be reminded..."

Severus brushed his hand down his shirt front and forced his face into a neutral expression. "If it's as ubiquitous as you say, soon enough it'll just become background noise to you. It fades, I promise you."

"I s'pose." But Sirius didn't look at all reassured.

It took a great deal of self-control for Severus to keep a smirk off his face. "Although, I could do my part to help speed up the process... "

"Oh. No."

"I believe my ancient mobile is due for an upgrade..."

"Oh, you fucker," Sirius said with a laugh. "I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I?" But the tension seemed to have leeched from his body, and his eyes lost that hard, scared look they'd had.


End file.
